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The Skill of Confidence

Updated: Aug 8, 2023

Confidence is not something you are born with. It is a skill that is later developed. It goes hand in hand with our individual programming and it is significantly linked to our self esteem and self worth. Confidence does not mean that you need to be an extrovert. Confidence is mastering a new skill.

Let’s begin with this statement: How you do one thing is how you do all things. Do you take calculated risks or are you an all in type of person? Every decision we make is based on a learned behavior. And understanding this in ourselves will only help us improve our confidence muscle.

This was such an aha moment for me. How you do one thing is how you do all things. So how can this relate to self confidence? Well as your level of confidence grows you will find that your individual motivators are stretched and your abilities become rooted – your skill set develops and you start to unveil your true self. You finally find momentum and start to trust yourself.

When you trust yourself and know yourself your confidence shines.

This will start to show up in all areas of your life. When you experience setbacks you start to develop #resilience. Resilience is what helps us to deal with #stress, like really deal with stress. I know everyone has dealt with setbacks and stress and surviving through that only makes you stronger and builds up that “thick skin”. What we experience literally makes us stronger whether that is in confidence, mental fitness, physically or emotionally.

My point here is that through experience we learn, we grow, we gain #confidence.

The opposite of confidence is fear, so let me ask, what are you fearful of? How can we develop confidence to combat that fear?

Are you familiar with the saying “You always miss 100% of the shots you don't take?” Thank you Wayne Gretzky. How many shots have you missed? What have you learned through it all? There is always a takeaway. Confidence can unleash your full potential when you easily accept your weaknesses and failures with the knowledge that these experiences do not change your sense of self worth.

You can appreciate the fact that you have strengths that you can celebrate even amongst adversities and feel empowered to use them fully. #Confidence is what helps #align your actions with your #values, #principles and #standards. When you are aligned this offers you a superior sense of #purpose. Confidence opens you up to #selfdiscovery so that you can appreciate who you truly are and what you represent. This is exactly what #soulsearching is – figuring out and understanding what makes you tick. What excites you, what frightens you, where do you want to go, who do you want to be?

When you are pushed out of your comfort zone, this is where self discovery is at its peak. Your level of confidence kicks in, your level of resilience kicks in, your level of assurance and alignment kicks in, and your mindset kicks in.

Your level of confidence, resilience, assurance and alignment can all be controlled with one skill set – your mindset.

The beauty of your #mindset is that you can easily choose to shift it at any time towards the direction you choose. Life is full of unexpected experiences, last minute, uncontrollable and stressful situations. How you handle them is all about mastering your mindset. All I am going to say here is ask yourself, how can I solve this problem or offer a solution? Don’t even bother wasting your time with the what if’s and negative thinking. A confident person does not waste time with stinkin thinkin.

Building blocks that you can start thinking about and setting up micro goals to get to the bigger picture

1. Know your direction in life. Where are you going? What do you want? What does your ideal day look like?

2. Visualize your ideal day and feel it. Does it excite you? Can you actually see yourself living your ideal day?

3. Who are you being? How are you acting? Who are you with? When you start to visualize these tiny aspects and day dream about it, particularly in the morning this is setting your subconscious mind up for success. This is making an imprint and starting the work of alignment. The visualization and the changing of vibrations that happens in your subconscious and conscious mind starts to automatically make things happen.

4. Get out of your comfort zone. If you have desires that you are not acting on it will stagnate you right where you are. When you fail to explore new experiences, you are letting fear take away your sunshine. You are simply digging deeper into your zone of comfort, the one you’ve been sitting in for a few decades now…

What if your desires are seducing you to become the person you were meant to be?

I know that a lot of people overthink things. Overthinking can lead to paralysis. Stop the insanity – it’s time to step into your power and authenticity, you can prove to yourself that you can achieve anything you set your mind to.

The secret to having unshakable confidence? It starts with you. Let it grow and get stronger each year.

5. Instead of judgement, get curious. Get curious about your thoughts and judg-y-ness in the first place – why do you think that way? Why are you judging? And then get curious about the person or situation instead of judgement.

If you are overwhelmed or feeling judged or a little attacked, take a breath, and view the situation in a different light. Get curious as to why you feel that way and how can you flip this script in your head to be confident, professional, kind, and serve whoever you are speaking, teaching or learning with.

6. Believe in yourself. Know your worth. Know your values. Stand up for your belief’s and don’t waiver from your truth. Decide if its’ worth your time and energy. (that is stepping into authenticity and personal power).

One more important part to unshakable confidence, is #failure. Let’s talk failure real quick. Failure is inevitable. But we always fail forward. But to #failforward is to grow and make mistakes so you know what you don’t want. Get clarity on what you do want. Don’t be afraid to apologize. Take responsibility for your failure, note it and move on.

Whether you win or lose you get 24 hours. 24 hours to brag and sing and celebrate the win, and 24 hours to be sad and accept defeat. After the 24 hour mark you are back at it and re strategizing. Back to training or creating or launching or building because the only way we get better is to fail forward, keep training and enjoy the journey. You may reach a destination, but along they way, you get wired to the journey. No really, your brain actually starts to release dopamine as you train or create or launch and you become addicted to the journey of your long term goal. So, once you’ve hit a goal, you set another one but this time your starting point has all of the experience and conditioning from what you’ve just gone through. It’s a great place to be. Keep on keeping on.

Final Thoughts

Never stop learning – they say knowledge is power but I don’t know anymore, I think that experience is power. Knowledge is growth and evolution. Personal and professional development is needed more now than ever and finding that balance point. In the book Outliers they say that to hit mastery on a skill you need 10 thousand hours honed in on that skill. Michael Jordan; 10 thousand hours of basketball to become a master. Tony Robbins; 10 thousand hours of life strategizing. While your goal may not be mastery, you will certainly gain confidence in any area you wish to learn and gain experience from.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help – I love mentors and sometimes your mentor can be a book or a you tube channel, a coach, or a friend. Fake it till you make it. Visualize yourself as your most confident self and then act like that. See how it feels. Try it on.

Reach out to friends – if you are feeling a little uncertain call up a friend you trust. Friends are there to lift you up, give you honest feedback, wipe your tears and help combat self doubt and insecurities.

Finally, confidence begins with your mindset. This helps you to remain genuine and true to yourself. It is the thing that helps you retain your true identity no matter what circumstances you face in life. Tap into your inner self – have a chat here. Decide on a plan of where you want to go in this life and start walking it. What needs to change? What do you need to do? Get curious and set up your micro goals, stay present, and step out of that comfort zone.


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